Porn Reviews

THE CUMMENTARY’S HALLOWEEN HOWLER

Halloween is the hottest holiday of the year: Skin is showing, booze is flowing, and inhibitions are low. To celebrate the occasion, I typed “Halloween” into PornHub’s search bar, and over 1100 titles came up. Luckily for you, I spent the entire weekend watching all of them, and have picked my favourites for you here.

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Porn Reviews

FREAKY FRIDAY: Cam Soda’s Big Ass Latina Teen Chased by Lesbian Loving T. Rex on Hoverboard then Fucked

This very exciting premise fails to live up to its potential, as it falls victim to repetition. I give this misguided live-cam adventure one half-hard dino dick, with bonus points awarded for creativity.

Continue reading “FREAKY FRIDAY: Cam Soda’s Big Ass Latina Teen Chased by Lesbian Loving T. Rex on Hoverboard then Fucked”

Porn Reviews

FOREIGN FILM FRIDAY: Cum Louder’s “Fucking with the Cook in the Middle of the Restaurant”

If you’re not a fan of subtitles, the comedic touches make up for them in this voyeuristic restaurant romp. I give this film one fresh (not frozen) gilt-head bream and several health code violations.

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Porn Reviews

THIRSTY THURSDAY: Nubile Films’ Tension

Holly Michaels and Bruce Venture prove that you don’t need any fancy bells and whistles to create effective spank bank material. I give this mid-morning romp one stiff cup of morning joe, extra milk. Continue reading “THIRSTY THURSDAY: Nubile Films’ Tension”

Porn Reviews

SHANDA FAY: Cum In My Canadian Kitchen

Shanda Fay is the Wayne Gretzky of Canadian Amateur MILF porn. Try to keep your sticks on the ice for this one, boys. I give “Cum In My Canadian Kitchen” the overtime in Game 7, Stanley Cup winning goal. Continue reading “SHANDA FAY: Cum In My Canadian Kitchen”

Porn Reviews

THIRSTY THURSDAY: LUSTERY’s Fucking in the Forest

This amateur film is equal parts uncomfortable and confusing. I think I actually felt my hymen reattach as I watched this video. I give this film one prescription for Viagra, followed promptly by one click of Will Smith’s mind eraser device from Men In Black. Continue reading “THIRSTY THURSDAY: LUSTERY’s Fucking in the Forest”

Porn Reviews

TACO TUESDAY: Nubile Films’ Dames & Diamonds

This short and sweet film manages to be effective spank-bank material while avoiding the cliches I dislike in lesbian porn. I give this film 3 Baja Fish Tacos, extra spice.

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